Blog

0

The Scientific Benefits of Mindfulness

How Mindfulness Helps Our Bodies AND Our Brains

There are so many reasons mindfulness and deep breathing is helpful for people of all ages. And science agrees on the benefits of mindfulness. Most importantly, mindfulness and deep breathing activates our vagus nerve, which helps us calm down, think more clearly, and heal. This short video explains the basics, and is a great one to share with the kids in your life!

Another of the benefits of mindfulness is that it helps our brains function better. It can boost our recall of information and instructions, calm us down when we’re afraid or angry, and fall asleep more quickly at night. It can even help with anxiety and depression!

how-mindfulness-helps-our-bodies-and-our-brains

Below are a few resources that recount the science and subsequent benefits of mindfulness:

  • 9 Facts About the Vagus Nerve. This fascinating article from Mental Floss walks readers through all the amazing things the vagus nerve is responsible for — it does far more than just initiate our relaxation response.
  • Dacher Keltner on the Vagus Nerve. In this video, UC Berkeley psychologist and Faculty Director of the Greater Good Science Center shares his research on the vagus nerve, a key nexus of mind and body, and a biological building block of human compassion.
  • 9 Ways Deep Breathing Supercharges Your Body and Mind. Deep breathing affects almost every single system in our body. It not only helps us feel better, it also helps us heal!
  • How Mindfulness Practices are Changing an Inner City School. This Baltimore school has embraced the daily practice of mindfulness, and it’s transforming success rates and kids are taking more responsibility for their actions. The same could be true in your own home!

the-benefits-of-mindfulness-can-be-exerienced-anywhere

Mindfulness practices take time, but the benefits begin immediately! These habits you’re building for yourself and the kids in your life will benefit you all for your entire life. We’d love to hear about your mindfulness practice and how it’s helping you. And if you’re a teacher using experiencing the benefits of mindfulness in the classroom, tell us your story!

0

Anxiety in Kids: What It Is, What It Does, and How to Manage It

Anxiety is in the news a lot these days, and it seems more and more kids struggle with anxiety.

The reality is that most kids (and adults!) suffer fear and anxiety from time to time. What are the different types of anxiety, how do we recognize the symptoms, and what do we do when things change from occasional fear or anxiety into an anxiety disorder?

Anxiety in Kids: What It Looks Like and How to Help

Types of Anxiety in Kids

Most of the following fears are common to most children. Many children outgrow them as they learn to cope with new situations and as their emotional development increases. But overall, anxiety in kids is like a big, loud, uncontrollable alarm that keeps going off in their insides. As a result, anxious kids can become risk avoidant, which hinders them from participating in so many things many other kids get to enjoy. The alarms that go off in their heads can affect their bodies physically as well, resulting in lack of sleep, headaches, stomachaches, irritability, muscle tension, and fatigue. When anxieties progress past occasional episodes and a child seems to be showing symptoms on most days for weeks at a time, it may be time to consider intervention of some sort.

Activities to help your child cope with anxietySeparation Anxiety

Children as young as 7-9 months old begin to experience separation anxiety, as well as stranger anxiety. This is an absolutely normal and healthy development! While it’s difficult for us parents to walk away when our children are crying or clinging, we know that they will be okay once a few moments have passed and fun things distract their attention. As time passes, children learn that they are safe, mom or dad will return, and that in the meantime they can enjoy their time with others.

When this fear continues on when children reach school age, it’s possible they have developed a separation anxiety disorder. This can make it difficult for them to learn, make friends, and expand their horizons.

Symptoms of separation anxiety in kids may include:

  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Missing out on activities
  • Continual texting to check-in
  • Nervousness or distress at the thought of separation
  • Nightmares about separation
  • Headaches, stomachs, vomiting, physical distress when away from parent (or as parent leaves)
  • Refusal to sleep alone
  • Worried about parent’s health and well-being
  • Angry or violent behavior when they can’t be with parent

anxiety in kids can make them withdrawn

Social Anxiety

According the Child Mind Institute, “social anxiety is characterized by intense self-consciousness and fear of embarrassment that goes beyond common shyness, causing a child to go great lengths to avoid social interactions.” This anxiety in kids can show itself in two ways. The first is performance anxiety (also known as stage fright), which deals with things like presenting in public, test taking, ordering food in a restaurant, and sports ability. The second is interactional anxiety which not just about a fear of talking to others but also fear of being noticed by others in public, offending others, even eating in a cafeteria.

As more and more kids are on social media and seeing the curated lives of their friends, it’s understandable that self-consciousness abounds. Social anxiety can appear at any age, but it’s most common around middle school, when children desire to make more and more of their own decisions but are fearful of making the wrong choices. (75% of social anxiety onset happens between 8 and 15 years old.) The root can be anything from childhood shyness to a traumatic experience like bullying. When left unaddressed and untreated, it can lead to isolation and depression.

Symptoms of social anxiety in kids may include:

  • Racing pulse
  • Rapid breathing
  • Dry mouth
  • Breaking out in a sweat
  • Cold hands
  • Nausea and stomach
  • Vision changes

 

Panic Disorder (Agoraphobia)

More than 3 million Americans will experience a panic disorder during their lifetime. Panic disorders can be terrifying for a child to walk through on their own. According to WebMD, a panic attack is “a sudden, intense episode of anxiety with no apparent outside cause.” Additionally, “When a child has had two or more of these episodes, and is preoccupied with worries about them happening again, it is considered a panic disorder.” The triggers for these panic attacks can be as varied at the child. When left unaddressed, panic disorder can lead to isolation and depression, and could lead to alcohol or drug use.

Panic attacks are often characterized by:

  • Intense fearfulness
  • Racing heart
  • Choking sensations
  • Excessive sweating or cold flashes
  • Dizziness or lightheadedness
  • Numbness or tingling in limbs
  • Inability to catch breath
  • Trembling or shaking
  • Fear of going crazy

anxiety in kids can make them want to hide

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder happens when fears and anxieties become obsessions and lead to uncontrollable thought processes and actions that help children to cope. Children do not enjoy these behaviors but pursue them out of compulsion. These can lead to rituals that help them feel they are more in control of their environment and thereby safer. This behavior is not a result of them (or you as parents) doing something wrong. It’s important to remember that many routines are healthy, such as getting ready for school in the morning or getting ready for bed at night. Things cross into unhealthy when they make life harder, not easier. If your child’s routines are interfering with daily life, invite them into a conversation.

Symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder according to the International OCD Foundation may include:

  • Excessive checking (re-checking that the door is locked, that the oven is off)
  • Excessive washing and/or cleaning
  • Repeating actions until they are “just right” or starting things over again
  • Ordering or arranging things
  • Mental compulsions (excessive praying, mental reviewing)
  • Frequent confessing or apologizing
  • Saying lucky words or numbers
  • Excessive reassurance seeking (e.g., always asking, “Are you sure I’m going to be okay?”)

PTSD

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental health diagnosis. Acute PTSD can sometimes occur after a child experiences violence (or a threat of violence), injury, harm, or suddenly loses someone close to them. It can occur shortly after the event, or even years later. Often, people with PTSD experience “flashbacks” of the traumatic event, nightmares. Acute PTSD varies from Chronic PTSD because it typically has an identifiable root cause or event.

Chronic PTSD is different in that a child begins to have distorted thoughts in order to survive a situation, such as living in abject poverty, homelessness, ongoing abuse, or living with a family member who has an addiction. Any of these can bring about distorted thinking, which in the moment can be a coping strategy, but when they transition into a healthy life circumstance these thinking errors can be so engrained that it takes a long time to recover.

According to the CDC, symptoms of PTSD in children may include:

  • Reliving the event over and over in thought or in play
  • Nightmares and sleep problems
  • Becoming very upset when something causes memories of the event
  • Lack of positive emotions
  • Intense ongoing fear or sadness
  • Irritability and angry outbursts
  • Constantly looking for possible threats, being easily startled
  • Acting helpless, hopeless or withdrawn
  • Denying that the event happened or feeling numb
  • Avoiding places or people associated with the event

anxiety in kids can be lonely

Helping Your Child Cope with Anxiety

If any of these symptoms sound familiar, consider talking with your child about how he or she feels.

  • Make a plan together to work through transitions.
  • Slip notes of affirmation into the lunchbox of left on the pillow.
  • Help your child reframe their anxious thoughts into positive ones.
  • Remind your child of any changes coming in the normal routine.
  • Compliment any and all progress.
  • Talk to your school counselor or your pediatrician as a resource or referral source for support, counseling, or therapy.

Activities to help your child cope with anxiety

0

Holiday Conversation Guide

It’s such a busy time of year! We hope you are sparkling along with joy and a sense of ease.

Wait, you’re not? Are you feeling the stress of the countdown between now and the holidays? Are holiday conversations and everything else overwhelming? If so, create a moment right now just for you and take three deep breaths.

 

One…. breathe in through your nose and count to five. Now out.

Two… breathe in and let your belly expand to the count of five. 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… Now out.

Three… breathe in love and picture the people you love the most. Count to five and then breathe all that collected love out to them.

 

There, see? That should make you feel a little better.

What else can help? Seeing loved ones can be one of the best things about the holiday season. In fact, many of us attend events with both friends and family we don’t see at any other time of the year. Whether it be work parties, family gatherings, or obligatory gift exchanges, along with the fun there can also be that moment when the unintentional result is awkward conversations, political angst, or hurt feelings.

But as Ralph Waldo Emerson so aptly states,
“Life is too short but that there is always time for courtesy.”

 

That’s some pretty sage advice. Thank you, RWE! We believe that great conversation is a courtesy as well — one we owe both ourselves and others. As a result, we’ve been working on some tips and tricks for you to use during your holiday season. Enjoy!

Here’s our beautiful little ebook gift to you.

(Download from our Free Resources Library.)

It’s chock full of tips, conversation starters, and digging a bit deeper with face-to-face time, no matter where you find yourself this holiday season. Want to know a little bit more? We’ve outlined the three basic steps it includes below:



Grab The Holiday Conversation Guide from our
Free Resources!

Take me to the Free Resources

Then let us know how it works for you. We’d love to hear your stories!

0

Screen Addiction: What It Is, Who It Affects, and How To Avoid It

We face unprecedented challenges trying to raise children in this face-paced digital age.

Because we have no precedence for how the virtual world impacts our children, we’ve not known what kinds of limits are reasonable, needed, or essential. Often we’re making decisions based on our children’s pleas rather than on a knowledge of the impact of the digital world on their developing brain. An important place to begin is to understand why children are so drawn both to social media and to a range of kinds of games online.

Let’s start with a little science.

Screen addition is increasing rapidly

Screen time affects prefrontal cortex development

The prefrontal cortex of a child’s brain develops slowly. In fact, it often does not reach maturity until the age of 26 or even 30 years old. So what’s the prefrontal cortex all about? Well, it’s essential for the following:

  • relationships
  • trust
  • compassion
  • and it’s where the moral compass lives within us

Anything that interferes with the prefrontal cortex development is something about which we should be very concerned. We now know that some types of internet use interfere with prefrontal cortex development. But the internet world changes swiftly. As a result, it has been difficult for researchers to keep up with just what impact it may be having. But that have made some inroads.

Screen time affects white matter development in the brain

We now know that there are some devastating effects of certain types of internet use on our children. Recent research is showing us that the white matter of the brain is developing entirely differently for youth who spend quite a bit of time online. More alarming, we are now learning that certain types of activity actually interferes with the prefrontal cortex. Knowing how to sort through these activities can help us oversee our children’s screen time more effectively. It is possible for them to safely use electronic devices without impairing the development of their brains.

Lin & Zhou et al, 2012

Technology is designed to be addictive

We’re up against a difficult fight. Tech experts intentionally design technology to be addictive. What we know is that addictions, whether they be substance or activity based (alcohol consumption vs. gambling) all involve a sudden hit of dopamine to the brain. We also know that crystal meth, cocaine, and orgasm are 3 of the highest hits of dopamine that we ourselves can give our own brains. Right behind those 3 is the hit of dopamine that we have when we’re online and someone likes our Facebook or Instagram post, or sends us a text.

screen addiction faqs

The beginnings of addiction can start when kids are as young as toddlers

The simple act of using a digital device that gives us that hit of dopamine is actually an essential building block for addiction. In children this develops very swiftly. For instance, we can look at a young child using a math program on a digital device where if the child sees the number 1 and then the number 2 and they touch the number 3, then a clown comes out on the screen and does something fun and the child is excited, parents often misinterpret what is happening. Although it looks to the casual observer that the child has learned that 1+2=3, what’s actually happening that the child has told himself that “if I know to push the right button, something really fun thing happens and makes me feel good.” What’s actually happening is that that child gets a hit of dopamine and we’re feeding the beginnings of an addiction for a child to increase the dopamine levels in their own brains by what they do online. This is a difficult pill for parents to swallow!

We must ask ourselves if we’re willing to have addicted children

A starting place for us to ask ourselves is, “At what age are we willing to have our children addicted and to what.” When we begin to understand the difference in what kinds of online activities promote addiction and which don’t, we begin to make better choices. (Apps with infinite scrolling or playing are a prime offender when it comes to addiction. Think Facebook, Instagram, Netflix, etc.)

At what age are we willing to have our children addicted and to what

A major interference in our own ability to look openly at screen addition in children is our own addiction to our devices

Parents often give in to the pleas of children that if you’re doing online time then why can’t I? The obvious answer to that is that it’s the same as alcohol. As an adult you may have a glass of wine with dinner, you still may clearly know that you don’t want to be giving children alcohol with their meals as well. A hit of dopamine is a hit of dopamine. It doesn’t matter whether the cause of dopamine is a physical act involving online time or drinking of a substance, the addiction comes from the dopamine. It comes from within our own brains.

 


When we add those two issues together: the possibility of early addiction for children coupled with a loss of development of the prefrontal cortex, we have some serious thinking to do about how we allow our children to engage online.


Screen addiction increases the longer you use technology

The troubling fact about addiction is that receiving a certain level of dopamine hit today means that child is going to want great hit a year from now, and a greater hit a year from them. Consequently, kids using screens at 8 or 9 and getting that hit from games, Instagram or snapchat, get that hit of dopamine. But the needs increase rapidly over the next few years — that’s the nature of addiction. The body acclimates to the amount it’s used to and then it needs more. And the prefrontal cortex is suffering, leaving our kids with limited capacity for:

  • Relationships
  • Trust
  • Compassion
  • Impaired moral compass

 

Plan family activities together to decrease screen time and promote face to face time

One of the best antidotes for screen addiction is face-to-face contact

One of the antidotes to all this is to carefully organize children’s lives to have face-to-face compassionate contact with one another that develops the prefrontal cortex. In today’s digital world, we must all re-learn how to be present. Face-to-face contact will build real relationships. Are we saying that messaging and social media are all detrimental? No, not at all. But it’s interesting to note that often when youth think they’re connecting online, say through Facebook or Snapchat, they’re actually looking for is that hit of dopamine from any message. Because it doesn’t matter who a message is from, youth confuse connection for the addiction to the hit of dopamine they get.

screen addiction faqs

We’ve assembled a list of ideas to help keep the conversation going in face-to-face contact:

  • Make eye contact with one another.
  • Set aside any distractions. (Put away your phone, set down your book, close your laptop, etc.)
  • Ask open-ended questions. (These are questions that don’t end in yes or no, such as “What surprised you the most about…” or “What’s the best thing that happened today?”)
  • Consistently plan activities together, even if it’s as simple as a daily walk to prepping dinner.

If you want even more face-to-face engagement tips, consider 5 Radical Mintues for Families. This monthly subscription provides 3 weekly activities for the whole family. Each activity lasts only about 10 minutes but helps build engagement, trust, and greater happiness for each who participates. And it’s only a $5 monthly investment!

Screen Addiction Blog Article 5 Radical Minutes

0

 Building Emotional Resilience Through Mindfulness

Mindfulness. It’s a popular word these days — a buzz word used by those in the know.

Mindfulness is the “in” thing when it comes to handling stress, bringing greater fulfillment, better focus, and higher academic achievement. Great leaders practice mindfulness. And technology is following suit with a myriad apps to help increase mindfulness.

But what really is mindfulness? The American Psychological Association defines it this way:

… a moment-to-moment awareness of one’s experience without judgment. In this sense, mindfulness is a state and not a trait. While it may be promoted by certain practices or activities, such as meditation, it is not equivalent to or synonymous with them….

Researchers theorize that mindfulness meditation promotes metacognitive awareness, decreases rumination via disengagement from perseverative cognitive activities and enhances attentional capacities through gains in working memory. These cognitive gains, in turn, contribute to effective emotion-regulation strategies.

That’s a lot to wrap our heads around. And while the term mindfulness still sends some people running for the hills because they believe it has to do with religious practices, there are some solid scientific benefits that mindfulness practices bring:

Mindfulness Builds Gratitude

Scientific Benefits to Mindfulness

Mindfulness Alleviates Stress

Stress in today’s day and age is just a matter of course. It’s akin to being human. And it shows itself not just in distraction; it has many physical side effects as well! WebMD lists these symptoms as potentially stress related:

Emotional symptoms of stress include:

  • Becoming easily agitated, frustrated, and moody
  • Feeling overwhelmed, like you are losing control or need to take control
  • Having difficulty relaxing and quieting your mind
  • Feeling bad about yourself (low self-esteem), lonely, worthless, and depressed
  • Avoiding others

Physical symptoms of stress include:

  • Low energy
  • Headaches
  • Upset stomach, including diarrhea, constipation, and nausea
  • Aches, pains, and tense muscles
  • Chest pain and rapid heartbeat
  • Insomnia
  • Frequent colds and infections
  • Loss of sexual desire and/or ability
  • Nervousness and shaking, ringing in the ear, cold or sweaty hands and feet
  • Dry mouth and difficulty swallowing
  • Clenched jaw and grinding teeth

Cognitive symptoms of stress include:

  • Constant worrying
  • Racing thoughts
  • Forgetfulness and disorganization
  • Inability to focus
  • Poor judgment
  • Being pessimistic or seeing only the negative side

Behavioral symptoms of stress include:

  • Changes in appetite — either not eating or eating too much
  • Procrastinating and avoiding responsibilities
  • Increased use of alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes
  • Exhibiting more nervous behaviors, such as nail biting, fidgeting, and pacing

 

We don’t know about you, but these symptoms include a lot of stuff wewant to avoid. There’s good news, though! Mindfulness practices can help reduce almost all of these stress symptoms over time. But mindfulness isn’t a magic wand, as much as we wish we could say it is. It’s a practice that takes some time to learn but  helps us systematically lessen stress over time. Practicing mindfulness doesn’t mean that the issues that are causing stress will go away. However, It doesmean that we will learn how to acknowledge these stressors in our lives and learn to be okay with the imperfect state of things. Mindfulness helps us as we navigate the bumpy road we’re on. This simple act of acceptance can be far from simple, but by calming the mind and body we’re better able to pursue solutions.

Mindfulness Engages the Vagus Nerve

Mindfulness Builds Compassion

Mindfulness teaches us to pay attention — to our bodies, our emotions, and our thoughts. But instead of judging ourselves, mindfulness lets us acknowledge these thoughts and feelings and then let them pass. In a world that condemns at every turn for not being smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough or fast enough, this lack of judgement can do wonders! When we learn to be more compassionate with ourselves, we open ourselves up to be more compassionate with others. By checking in with our bodies and minds a few times a day to find out how we feel, why we feel it, and where we feel it, we can avoid feeling overwhelmed.

In fact, we’ll often discover that most of the time, overwhelm, anger, or fear isn’t the enemy. Rather, how we react to these feelings is where we often sideline ourselves.  Mindfulness allows us to see patterns in our thinking. As a result, we can avoid getting caught up in our thoughts. We’re less caught up in our own dramas and become more aware of the thoughts and needs of others. We’re in this life together, and when we give ourselves and others the room to be themselves, compassion blossoms.

 

Mindfulness Builds Compassion

Mindfulness Engages the Vagus Nerve

The vagus nerve, our biggest cranial nerve, transports messages from the brain to the respiratory, nervous, and digestive systems, and all the major organs, and back again. It also controls our ability to stay calm. And it’s the one that tells our brain that you’re safe and protected. For example, when you meet someone you like, all the nerve receptors in your body let your brain know that a good thing is happening — all through the vagus nerve. Just the same, when you’re nervous or uncomfortable, this same nerve lets your brain know that things are amiss. When we take the time to breathe deeply and slowly, we let our brains know through the vagus nerve that all is well. The more we engage the vagus nerve positively, the more peace, calm, joy, and good health we enjoy.

Mindfulness Builds Gratitude

Checking in with ourselves daily helps us slow down. When we scan our body, mind, and thoughts for what’s going on and how we feel, we begin to notice the areas that hold tension. This awareness, this mindfulness, can help us catch tension as it begins building rather than when it explodes. We begin to notice what feels good, or what we like more quickly as well. A beautiful aroma, a soft fabric on our skin. And we can observe the positive benefits of stress — how it energizes us to get things done or make needed changes.

 

Mindfulness Boosts Mood

Mindfulness Builds Resilience

Resilience is the ability to recover readily from adversity. Does mindfulness really have the power to make this happen? Before we answer, let’s talk about how we cultivate resiliency. A recent study by Badri Bajaj and Neerja Pande highlighting the link between mindfulness and resilience found this:

“Mindful people … can better cope with difficult thoughts and emotions without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down (emotionally). Pausing and observing the mind may (help us) resist getting drawn into wallowing in a setback.”

These researchers discovered that “individuals with higher mindfulness have greater resilience, thereby increasing their life satisfaction.” Their conclusion? “Mindfulness training could provide a practical means of enhancing resilience, and personality characteristics like optimism, zest, and patience.”

 

Emotional resilience can be strengthened through mindfulness practices. And in our case here at 5 Radical Minutes, it can be done in just five minutes a day. There’s no greater investment we can make in ourselves than to invest time to alleviate stress, and build compassion, gratitude and resilience!

0

Student Threat Assessment: What It Is and How To Approach It

Threat Assessment Team Involves a Variety of Experts

This past year we’ve watched the horrific news unfold yet again as students are evacuated following school shootings.

Each time these cross the news feed, they wash over me with both the memories and the lessons learned from each of the shootings I’ve responded to over the years. And for each of the students, staff, and community members who’ve been through a tragedy, these stories bring back traumatic memories as well. I stay in touch with districts when I’ve been a part of their responses so I can continue to hear insights they’ve gained during recovery. But it yields far more insight to be in the trenches over a period of time following an event. I was able to continue on-site response support for several months following a recent incident. This experience again confirmed the need we have to put practiced multi-disciplinary student threat assessment teams in place for all districts.

Here are just two reasons this extended on-site time was so important: copycat threat assessment and the need to set up a threat response team. 

 

The Benefits of a Threat Assessment Team

Copycat Threat Assessment After an Event

We expect people to “come out of the woodwork” and make additional threats following major events. One of the critical challenges for schools in the immediate aftermath is to sort out which threats are credible. Threat assessment includes deciding which require a lock-down and which may not. Law enforcement is closely involved at those times. Threats  phoned in from New Zealand are handled differently than threats posted by a local student on social media.

Also, it isn’t uncommon that schools go into repeated lock-downs as a precaution with the wave of threats that tend to occur following an event. But I certainly learn a great deal about the ongoing trauma it is for those who survive these events when I’m on site and we repeatedly go into lock-down. As soon as a lockdown is lifted, teachers who held it together for the sake of their students have stress reactions ranging from heightened anxiety to full-blown panic attacks.

 

Copycat Threats Flood in After an Event

Developing a Threat Response Team

The stakes are high any time there is a threat. And no one person should ever carry the entire weight of making a decision about the seriousness of a threat. Nor should one person carry the responsibility for the plan a school should follow in order to assure the safety of all. The stakes are too high not to have the best system in place. And that means having a multi-disciplinary team who are all providing input on threat assessment.

There’s an important key to developing an effective threat assessment team. Adequate teams for student threat assessment predominantly comprise key staff from various community agencies. All these agencies serve youth in some capacity. This can range from drug and alcohol counselors, local law enforcement, and juvenile services and staff from a range of other organizations. School representation should be well under half of those seated at the table. Bringing the best minds from divergent disciplines together from your greater region will serve your schools in a way we (educators) can’t attain by ourselves.

Note: Districts smaller than 20,000 students probably need to join together into regional teams. This way there are enough threat assessments to keep the team well-practiced. (And meeting weekly so they can hone their skills!)

How to Get Help In Developing a Threat Response Team

The national leader in the field for Student Threat Assessment in Dr. John VanDreal, a school psychologist with Salem-Keizer Schools in Salem, OR. His website provides information, forms and procedures. All districts would do well to send a small team to his annual training in the fall or bring him to their sites. Check out his website at  www.studentthreatassessment.net. If you’d like to send a team to his fall training and you don’t find a registration option on his site, let us know at info@cmionline.org. We’d love to make sure you connect with John and his work. There are many “generalists” in workplace violence and mass shootings. Student threat assessment is its own animal and districts would be wise to choose guidance from those who specifically “live this work” day in and day out in the school environment.

 

SaveSave

0

Conflict Resolution at Work

Today we’re covering de-escalation in the workplace and what it takes to build a caring, supportive team.

With all of the workplace-related shootings in the news, we are much more apt to feel a bit of anxiety about the co-worker who is really steamed about something or the one who rants on the phone in the staff lounge. Conflict resolution at work is needed, and the skills to do so are ones anyone can develop.

In fact, the Department of Labor’s workplace violence program includes a very insightful statement:

IT IS UP TO EACH EMPLOYEE TO HELP MAKE THE DEPARTMENT A SAFE WORKPLACE FOR ALL OF US. The expectation is that each employee will treat all other employees, as well as customers or clients, with dignity and respect.

It's up to each employee to help make the department a safe place to work

The DOL clearly outlines the roles and expectations for both employees and Managers, and we appreciate their very first bullet point:

Employees (Including Managers and Supervisors) are responsible for: their own behavior by interacting responsibility with fellow employees, supervisors, and clients;

 

And while we’d probably all agree that this is a great start for conflict resolution at work, many may not be fully aware that our conversations (or lack of them) with others does much to determine the climate. Once someone is already in this place of feeling victimized by something or someone in the work setting, it is much more difficult to intervene, although conflict resolution skills can work with willing participants at any stage.  That said, wouldn’t it be far better to avoid getting to that point?

 

Remember the whole person when focusing on conflict resolution at work

Here are a few ways to keep from reaching the point of aggravation or pain so often:

Listen before you speak.

Everyone wants the space to be heard. Take the time to listen before you react. Let everyone have their say in a group meeting. As professionals working together to solve problems, everyone has a different strength and perspective. This means that often solutions come from the quiet corners. Draw out people, listen fully, let people know they’re heard, then make your decisions.

Commend the strengths.

It’s easy to get caught up in what’s wrong and continually address these problem areas. But don’t forget to commend the strengths of your boss and fellow coworkers. Encourage more positive behavior by noticing it and giving it attention. Just like shining sunshine on a watermelon plant, praising good behavior will encourage growth of the same.

Remember the whole person.

In business, we often focus on efficient outcomes. We build processes and practices that ensure we’re making the most of our time and delivering a quality product or service in the most profitable way possible. As such, it can be difficult to remember the whole person through the process. The man in accounting who crunches the budget down, the woman in advertising who needs you to be more concise but stay brilliant and funny… they have life outside of work just like you. And pressures and challenges that create bumps in the road and interests and hobbies that keep them happy and fulfilled. Take time to get to know what’s going on in their lives. Remember that to work smoothly as a team, we need to care about one another as people, not just fulfillers of tasks. A two-minute conversation about a picture next to their computer can go a long way to start building better synergy as a team and make everyone feel valued as people.

Practice empathy.

It’s easy to make a snap judgment and let everyone else in the office know that a particular coworker is in a bad mood. There are many reasons someone may have a chip on his shoulder. Whatever the reason, know we all have bad days. Practice empathy. Instead of spreading the word that so-and-so is grumpy, find out if there’s anything you can do to help. Perhaps she had a flat tire this morning or he got some discouraging news about a family member. Choose to encourage in these moments. When you practice empathy, people are more likely to return the favor. Your good-heartedness might just set the stage for a more caring office culture!

conflict resolution at work

Address problems quickly. (Don’t avoid them!)

Tensions happen in the workplace, which is why skills for conflict resolution at work are so necessary. And it’s easy to duck down into the cubicle when the person with whom you have friction walks by. Instead of letting things fester, offer to talk things out. If needed, get HR in the room with you, but approach things openly, listen carefully, and respond thoughtfully to the issues between you. Often these tensions are simply the result of a misunderstanding, and when they are talked out these tensions can resolve quite smoothly.

Ask questions.

When there’s conflict that needs to be resolved, don’t forget to take a step back and ask, “What brought us to this point?” Instead of getting caught up in the problem right in front of us, remember that it took quite a few steps to get to this point. Conflict resolution at work means seeking to understand the bigger picture that led to the outburst, misstep, or miscalculation. You may uncover an even better solution as a result of the gaffe.

 

When addressing conflict resolution at work practice empathyNo matter the type of work environment, there’s always room for better relationships.

Conflict resolution at work involves coworkers, your boss, and sometimes your clients. The more cooperative and caring the team, the greater chance there is to create something great together.  When used in the workplace, 5 Radical Minutes will foster:

  • Increased collaboration
  • Improved productivity
  • Increased motivation
  • Improved communication
  • Increased problem-solving skills
  • Improved morale
  • Engaged employees
  • Mitigated conflict
  • Increased profitability
  • Personal responsibility for office climate

Let us know how these tips work as you deal with conflict resolution at work. With some time and attention, any workplace can become a better, more supportive environment for everyone.

0

Tips for Kids Who Have Difficulty Making Eye Contact

We all know eye contact is important in conversation and communication, but why? What does it do for us as speakers and as listeners?

Imagine you have a conversation with someone who never looks up from their phone. Okay, maybe you don’t have to imagine this lack of eye contact very hard because it just happened yesterday. It’s not surprising, considering that 95% of American adults have cell phones and 90% of kids and teens have cell phones. Has this affected our ability to have meaningful face-to-face conversation? You bet it has.

A study done by Tamyra Pierce reveals the impact of technology on high school students. After surveying 280 high school students, she found that most students experience social anxiety with face-to-face interaction, which actually increases their online activity. It was much easier for them to meet new friends online than it was meeting new people in person.

Eye contact is becoming a lost art in the age of technology

Face-to-face communication is becoming a lost art. But we can show the importance of eye contact by teaching the following concepts:

 

Eye contact shows respect.

Making eye contact with someone while he’s speaking demonstrates a willingness to put other things aside and give her your full, undivided attention. (I think we’ve all been in conversations with people who never look up from their phones. We often walk away wondering if we’ve been heard.)

Eye contact conveys appreciation.

Eye contact conveys appreciation for the time and energy the speaker is putting into the relationship. We’ve all been in a conversation in which the other person is looking around the room trying to find something else more interesting to do. There’s not much else that shuts down a conversation faster than avoiding eye contact.

Eye contact demonstrates understanding.

When you’re making eye contact with the speaker, you’re showing him that you’re actively listening, engaged, and understanding what he’s saying. It encourages the speaker to keep moving forward, and to be confident in what he’s saying.

Eye contact builds connection.

You may have experienced making eye contact with someone across a crowded room. So much can be conveyed in this connection: approval, boredom, aggravation, flirtation, motivation, or humor at what’s going on. No words need to be said, even if it happens between strangers. The same is true in an intentional conversation. As a listener, your eye contact builds connection with the speaker or another listener. As a speaker, eye contact with your audience shows that you value everyone equally.

Eye contact boosts confidence.

Eye contact boosts confidence not only for the speaker, but also the listener. As a speaker, eye contact conveys that you believe what you’re saying, and that it’s worth people’s time to listen. As a listener, eye contact with the speaker put you on equal ground. Conversely, glancing around while someone is speaking makes you appear nervous and unsure of what you should do next with the information that’s being shared.

Eye contact makes you more likeable.

When we make eye contact with the speaker or look our audience in the eye when we’re sharing something, we instantly become more likeable. This eye contact imparts a sense of intimacy, instills confidence, and builds rapport. All of this adds to our likability! And when we’re perceived as likeable, people are more apt to not only listen to us, but also give a thoughtful response.

Eye contact shows confidence

Helping Students Make More Eye Contact

One of the critical points for helping students connect in meaningful ways includes learning body language of listening, including eye contact.  We know, thought, that there is a range of reasons why youth avoid eye contact. They might include:

  • Students who are on the spectrum
  • Youth who have trauma histories that leave them with difficulties in trusting others
  • Youth who don’t feel liked by others and who lack self-confidence
  • Youth who mask their emotions

 


 

Because 5 Radical Minutes is a daily positive experience between all peers, over time most of those who lack self-confident or basic trust of others will gradually improve in their capacity to have and maintain appropriate eye contact.

 


 

Teach Listening Skills

As adults see students who are avoiding eye contact, there are a couple of options. You can speak to these students individually when peers won’t hear, but you can also give suggestions to the whole class without identifying any specific students. Either way, consider the suggestions below:

  • “One way to show we’re listening is to look at their eyes, not staring, but with “soft eyes,” indicating that we’re paying attention.”
  • “Another is that we nod, remembering that we can’t interrupt and talk, but we can nod, you might say, “um hum” just to let the other person know you are tuned in and paying attention.”
  • “If it is difficult to look into someone’s eyes, you might fold your hands and place them on the desk between you and look at your hands and glance up into the face of your partner. It might be easier to look at his or her mouth or face and not just eyes.”

 

Eye contact makes you more likeable

Community Circle Practice

Another option is to turn a Community Circle day into a “Circle Smile” day. Have the students line up in two lines facing each other. The facilitator needs to have some kind of bell or meditation cymbals to ring every five to seven seconds. (Students may need to practice the movement before they actually do the activity, but they’ll catch on quickly and you won’t have to practice more than once or twice for most groups.

  • Have each person look at the person in front of them and smile at that person.
  • When the bell rings, students take one step to the right. (When a student reaches the end of the row, he steps forward and turns around to join the opposite row so the student who was on his left is now facing him.)
  • When each student has turned twice, everyone will be back to their starting places. It might be worth using one time to practice the movement, and then to have some informal Q & A time afterward, posing some open questions:

Questions for Younger Students:

  • What are some other ways we can greet one another? Who would demonstrate?
    • High fives
    • Waving
    • Shaking hands
    • Fist bumps
    • What are some others?

Questions for Older Students:

  • What are some ways teachers let you know that they’re interested in how you’re doing?
  • What can you do to move from the comfort of a social media friend to having deeper conversations with them?
  • How is talking in person different than online?
  • Why is it important for us to have face-to-face time that includes eye contact?
  • When are you most comfortable talking face-to-face with people?

 

These are just a few of the activities you could use during your Community Circle time to encourage more eye contact. Learning this skill is just like learning any other — eye contact takes practice. But it is a life-long skill that will bring incredible rewards! We’d love to hear about ways you’ve learned to increase eye contact in conversation and the benefits you’ve experienced as a result.

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

0

The Power of Setting Goals (and Our Summer Reading List)

We love setting goals, mostly because we love the endorphin rush that comes when a goal is accomplished.

Yes, goals are powerful. But so few of us set out in any serious way to set goals, let alone accomplish them. In fact, research says that only 8% of people achieve their goals. And while these numbers are on the slim side, we still have a fighting chance to finish that project, read that book list, build that relationship, or save that money. Today, we’re going to share ways we can start setting goals and increase our odds at achieving them.

 

The Benefit of Goals

But before we talk about ways to achieve our goals, let’s talk about the reason they’re important. When we take the time to set goals, we give ourselves a purpose and a direction. Additionally, setting goals provide many other benefits:

  • Force us to be specific about where we’re going.
  • Provide a natural check-in point on progress.
  • Allow us to break things down into smaller steps.
  • Hold us accountable.
  • Afford us the freedom to say no.
  • Give us something to celebrate.
  • Allow us to believe in ourselves.

 

What Sort of Goals to Set

Setting Goals about Health and Fitness

Goals are as unique as people, so when setting goals it all comes down to what’s important to us. But it’s possible there are some life areas that slip our radar when it comes to setting goals. Here’s a list of categories to consider when approaching goals, as well as some questions to ponder for each category. (Keep in mind that we don’t have work on all categories at the same time. To put it another way, forward progress is the aim and chances are we’ll be at it for a lifetime.)

Health / Fitness

Is your weight, exercise, diet, food intake just the way you want things? Do you want to get ready for a hike, climb, run, or swim that you aren’t quite ready to accomplish yet?

Intellect

Are you reading as much as you want? Do you actively stretch your mind to learn all the things you want to learn? Perhaps there are some skillsets you want to improve.

Emotions

Are you as even-keeled as you wish you were? Do you tend to hit periods when you’re slogging along rather than thriving? Are you as happy as you know you can be?

Relationships

Are you building friendships and deepening them to the point that they’re fully satisfying? When it comes to friends, are you doing things that bring you joy? What about setting goals with your significant other, like time away together or counseling just to keep things great?

Finances

Are you making what you want to be making? Do you have some vacation or retirement goals that need a bit more planning?

Spirituality

How’s your faith? Does it stabilize you? Are there any spiritual practices you want to pursue like prayer or meditation? Have you found a faith community that you’re comfortable in?

Career

Are you working on the things you want to be working on, with the people to whom you feel connected? Is your workplace challenging you enough and making you better?

Fun

How much do you laugh every day? Are you doing things that enhance your happiness and make you glad you’re alive? These “fun” things can fit into any of the categories above, but they might something you find you need to focus on specifically as well.

 

How to Set Goals

Once we’ve determined what goals we want to pursue, it’s time to break them down and accomplishing them. For instance, let’s pretend we want to become healthier. (Isn’t that almost everyone’s New Year’s resolution?)

  • Think about the areas that might help us take steps towards a goal to be healthier. Write them down. In fact, Robert S. Rubin states that to make realistic goals, they have to be S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound). Explore some specifics when setting goals. What will it take?
    • It might be making a doctor’s appointment for some blood work.
    • Find a great yoga class.
    • Learn some new recipes.
    • Find a friend to walk with a few times a week.

  • Once we outline these things, break each one down as much as we need so we have a reasonable action plan every single week. For example, if we want to find a great yoga class, maybe these are our smaller steps:
    • Look at Yelp reviews for yoga studios near me.
    • Call and find out classes and times of the best options.
    • Sign up and put the classes on your calendar.
  • Check in each week to see how things are going. It’s important to realize we can make adjustments based on what we learn during our review.
    • Don’t forget to acknowledge each of the wins along the way. That’s a sure way to keep us motivated and on track to keep reaching our goals.

 

Are you setting goals in other areas too? Here are few that we can help with:

  • Maybe you’re a school administrator and want to make your school feel safer for everyone.
  • You’re a parent who wants to have a better relationship with your kids.
  • Teachers who want to have a classroom that works together better.
  • School counselors who want some help having more meaningful group time.

 

The 5RM Summer Reading List

We’re setting a goal to read more this summer! We’ve compiled a list of things that look interesting to us. In addition, we’ve added some books that will stretch us to be even better at what we do:

 

Great Summer Reading Lists for Kids

  • Oregon Battle of the Books (Lists range from grades 3-12. This year’s book battle is over, but if you’re in Oregon and your school is registered, you can compete in the battle next year.)
  • Common Sense Media (Lists range from K-teens and give parents an overview of book content, themes, and some conversation topics as well.)
  • Scholastic Book Summer Reading Challenge (List includes some teacher resources for PreK-8, but it works great for parents, too.)

0

Lockdown Drill Language for Younger Students

School safety is a chief concern.

There was a day when children didn’t think about their safety while at school. But with all the news coverage about school and workplace violence, and parents’ concerns for their children’s well-being, safety and lockdown drills become more and more a topic of discussion. So how might we approach school safety in a way that helps our children feel safe? How can we avoid feeding their fears of danger at school on any given day?

About a month ago, my grandson had the opportunity to go to kindergarten orientation at his future school. He asks me every single time we’ve been together since, “Does that guy have a gun?” Those he has mistrusted include an usher at a children’s play and the fellow who was taking the sound equipment down at the altar of a church. Suddenly, for the first time, nearly everyone he doesn’t know is suspect in his mind.  His new little mantra looping in his thoughts that he sometimes mutters audibly? “I don’t want to get shot with a gun.” Overnight, he underwent this dramatic change, and he hasn’t even experienced a drill yet!

 

Lockdown drills, even though they’re meant to protect, can have a detrimental psychological effect.

While I shudder to think why we must have drills in the first place, I’m encouraged that so many administrators and school counselors ask us what language engenders the least fear relative to lock down drills for elementary students. People recognize that we can lessen the detrimental psychological aspects by more carefully choosing our words! And while we consider the language, we also need to think about the other actions that are sometimes included. Consider these two lockdown drill scenarios:

Testing doors

In some schools drills, people test classroom doors to ensure they are locked.  Little ones who thought it was a lockdown drill were suddenly certain that the lockdown was real and that “the bad guy” was trying to get into their room. (In this scenario, If your concern is that your teachers will forgot to lock their doors, practice that on an in-service day when there are no students in the building.)

Role-playing

When doing lock-down drills collaborating with local law enforcement, some schools have used students dressed up as shooters and others all made up to look bloody who role played the injured. One of two things begins to happen when we saturate students’ minds with shooting issues.

  1. One is that they become inured to others’ pain and role play it and “have fun.”
  2. The other is that it contributes to the rise in depression and a sense of hopelessness youth are experiencing in increasing numbers.  Students and staff are not likely to anticipate that this will be the outcome for some; it is in retrospect that some students say things like,  “I can’t get this out of my mind.  I still hear the students screaming.”

Lockdown Drills language to encourage saftey rather than fear

What are the risk statistics?

But before we talk about how to handle the dangers, let’s take a moment to talk about the dangers themselves. As much as we hear about violence in schools and as tragic as these events are when they splash across our news feed, we need to keep things in perspective. (And by no means are we minimizing this problem — it’s one of the reasons we’ve developed the 5 Radical Minutes program. We see, we know, and we are striving to be part of the solution for a safer world.)

US Statistics:

Lightning strikes and kills more people each year than the number of students who die in school shootings each year. Lightening strikes on the athletic field endanger students and adults. Despite these statistics, very few schools have practices or procedures specific to a broad variety of emergencies. For many schools, the major focus for catastrophic events is on armed intruders. Schools practice lockdown drills for shootings but have no lightning response plan or transportation emergency plan, yet the danger is high for each.

 

It’s important to de-escalate student emotions while we drill.

In the midst of our own anxiety about teaching students what to do relative to armed intruders, adults often forget the importance of student’s emotional response to these drills. What can we do to mitigate their fear? How can we de-escalate the emotions while we drill instead of planting fear and terrifying possibilities into children’s minds? How can we address school safety in a way that empowers them instead of suggesting danger? If this were really about saving the most lives we can, we’d be addressing the number who will die of gunshot events outside of school.  Note that 1,562 children will die by gunshot outside of school for every one that dies in school.

 

Lockdown Drills language can communite safety and togetherness

Safety Drills Encourage Togetherness

There is a huge psychological boost to students and teachers alike when we simply call these safety drills. It’s turns something scary into something positive. And it communicates that “We’re concerned about your safety,” rather than “We live in a dangerous world.”

Some drills could be for emergencies outside the classroom. Teachers can work with students on how to be safe inside together. Some drills could be for emergencies that happen within the classroom. Teachers can focus on moving to safety together in those circumstances. (Notice that the focus is on safety together.)

These alternative ways of framing intruder or lockdown drills make a big difference. This “safety together” focus can do much to encourage students to think of themselves as an empowered group working together rather than vulnerable individuals reacting in fear. Any time we can pull in the marginalized and unite a group is a good day. Our students are proving their shared courage as they rise to the challenges their generations face. Let’s do all we can to keep encouraging them, and stem the fear!

 

Click here to download specific wording recommendations for various age groups.

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

page 1 of 2